It’s been a little while since I’ve written. life does get in the way, doesn’t it?
I turned 39 last month. This final year of my thirties feels very significant somehow. Last year threw a curveball that may turn out to be a blessing in disguise. This year I feel that I’m on a journey of self-discovery. 40 feels like a cut-off point for making life-changing decisions, and at the moment I am pondering whether I am brave enough to change course. To commit to a path that will take both time and financial commitment but that my heart yearns to travel? Hoping that it would lead me to the woman I want to be.
Sometimes don’t we need to be pushed? Life is short, and how dreadful to leave this world with regrets.
Sorry if this all seems very vague, there are some aspects that I’m not able to discuss yet, but also my superstitious side believes that if I say too much it won’t happen.
July so far has been gloomy- This British summer cold and wet. A mood of melancholia that I am leaning into rather than trying to fight. For doesn’t the world world seem to have gone mad? Too many bad news stories, the struggles so many people face and the difficult world we live in. My head and my heart are seeking refuge in the past. Not a rose-tinted version though, there is some darkness in all times and places, but perhaps time is a lense though which it’s easier to see beauty too. A 1940’s vibe- Hitchcock films. Big band music. The Ink Spots, Yellow Roses. Anything by kate Bush, A reading list of Withering Hights, The Turn of the Screw, Rebecca.
I can barely wait for this year’s family holiday, Just over the border to Scotland. But still a desperately needed break. I am even hoping to book myself and hubby in for a spa day . I feel like we barely get a chance to speak to each other at the moment, This year so far has been full of stress around the eldest child’s Sens issues, numerous A and E visits for the middle child , and the constant battles with a highly strung seven year old who still refuses to sleep in her own bed. Life is hectic, always. But school holidays are just around the corner and the pace should slow slightly, and who knows, the sun may even shine.
Take care
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